Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Alicia Nelson-Bell, Finance Intern

​There is no real right or wrong way or one size fits all when it comes to teaching kids about money because it is so personal. This article will provide some helpful tips to teach money skills to your children. As you (and your partner, if applicable) prepare to teach your children about money, it is important to take a little time to do some self-reflection and think about how you learned about money when you were a child.  

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As Rachel Cruze says in her book Know Yourself Know Your Money, “Self- awareness is powerful. We are all complex people with different stories and ways of viewing the world. As we better understand ourselves, we realize the unique ways in which we relate with our families and the world.” Self-reflection can help you realize why you do what you do and believe what you do about money, which will affect how your children are taught about money.

You Don’t have to be a Professional Teacher.  “More is caught than taught when it comes to teaching children about money” (Rachel Cruze). Children learn more about money through observing the actions and conversations of the people around them. Much of what they learn also comes from reactions to requests to buy or do things and the overall feel in the house around money. 

To aid in your self- reflection, consider doing the following activities previously introduced in an Extensions article titled Understanding and Sharing your Emotional History with Money by Linda Skogrand.

• Activity 1: Sit down in a quiet place with a pen and paper and begin thinking about your first memories of money while you were growing up. Write down some of the events that happened. Try to list at least 10 things. Consider events from your childhood and then your teen years such as getting your first job or how money effected your social life. When you have completed this list, go back and identify the emotions associated with each event listed. Then take some time to think about how these events affect your emotions and actions today. If you have a partner, invite them to also take time to complete this activity on their own. 
• Activity 2: Use the above list and share your findings with your partner (if applicable) and invite them to do the same. It is very important to be respectful and listen to the other person without interrupting or making judgements. Strive to make this a positive communication experience. Disclosing personal feelings and experiences can make us feel vulnerable. It is important to treat such disclosures respectfully and don’t use the information against that person. Showing respect towards the feelings and experiences shared will help this to be a positive communication experience.

 
As you do your self-reflecting about your childhood money experiences, you may see that there are money habits that you learned from your parents that you liked and want to pass on to your children and others that you may want to modify or eliminate based on the values you want to teach. 

Consider the following questions from Cruze’s book in regard to how it was growing up for you and about the environment in which you are creating for your children:

• When it comes to money, is communication open or is it closed and not really happening? 
• Is money a topic that causes anxiety, stress and contention or is it something that is talked about calmly? What are my kids hearing and seeing in regards to money intentionally and unintentionally?

The example that you set for your children will create memories and experiences that will stick with them for years to come and will influence the way they act and view most aspects of life, but especially money.
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Some Tips for Teaching Kids about Money:

• Cut yourself a little slack and remember that you are trying your best with what knowledge and experiences you have had.
• Remember that each member of the family has a unique perspective on experiences and environments and that is normal.
• Remember that there isn’t one right way of teaching your kids about money.
• Fights about money is one of the leading causes of divorce in America, so start talking with kids about it earlyso they can become comfortable talking about it.
• When talking with kids about money, do it in age appropriate ways that they can understand.
• Be consistent in your words and actions with money.

Teaching kids about money doesn’t have to be daunting or stressful, it can be as simple as being aware of how your family is living their lives and what kind of environment that is creating. Take advantage of simple opportunities to teach your children about what is happening with finances and why. Develop goals together as a family, along with age appropriate tasks that each family member can do to help reach goals and develop experiences with money.