Parenting, Personal Finance, and Children: Comfort in a country song

Andrea Schmutz, USU Extension Assistant Professor

Parenting, personal finance, and children. Do you tremble when you hear all three of those topics in the same conversation? It’s okay if your answer is “yes”, in fact you might be part of a large club who feels the same way. Think about it for a second and it makes sense: a) Parenting often receives the description of “hardest job in the world”; b) Personal finance regularly holds a top spot on “the most challenging topic to discuss with others” list; and c) Children make up a complicated audience requiring engaging, creative tactics to keep their attention.  What happens when you combine all three? You end up with the hardest job in the world trying to teach the most challenging topic to a complicated audience.

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I’ve been giving those very topics a lot of thought lately as my children have been spreading their wings and leaving the nest. I had my first four children in four years so when the oldest left home, he was quickly followed by another child leaving each year until this year I was left with only child #5 at home. It seemed to happen so fast that I almost felt like someone opened the floodgates and my kids got swept away all at once. I’ve been thinking a lot about what kind of a parent I’ve been and wondering if I’ve taught my kids everything they need to know to be successful adults who contribute positively to society. Too much thinking led to a bit of panic - did I teach them enough? Were they prepared to live successfully on their own? Did they know how to shop for food, cook, and most importantly, did they know how to manage their money and stretch their dollars?
 
All of these thoughts were racing through my head one day when I heard a particular country song on the radio. The song, “Watching You”, by Rodney Atkins, told the story of a dad who was driving with his boy when he heard his son use a not-so-choice word. The dad asked where he learned to talk like that and the son replied,

"I've been watching you, dad, ain't that cool?
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food, and grow as tall as you are
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah, we're just alike, hey, ain't we dad?
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you."
 
When they arrived home, the dad went to the barn and prayed for help to be a better example. Later, as he was putting his son to bed, the boy knelt down to pray and spoke to God like he was talking to a friend. The dad asked, “Son, now where'd you learn to pray like that?” The boy answered:

"I've been watching you, dad, ain't that cool?
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food, and grow as tall as you are
We like fixing things and holding mama's hand
Yeah, we're just alike, hey, ain't we, dad?
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you."
 
The story in this song brought a little peace to my heart. I needed a reminder about how much children watch their parents and how much they learn through example. (There are definitely some times I hope my kids are NOT paying attention.) I probably have not sat my kids down often enough and had intentional conversations about money management and personal finance, but I am comforted knowing that I have done my best to portray sound financial practices through the way I live. When I have made financial mistakes, I have worked hard to correct them and share the experience with my children so they can learn from my mistakes.  If my kids have been watching me, then maybe I have taught them more than I realize.
 
The song inspired me to spend some time reflecting on different occasions when my children said or did something as a result from watching me:

• When the kids are all home, they like to be the first ones to look through the weekly grocery ads to spot amazing deals on the foods we purchase and remind me to load the coupons on the store apps so I can take advantage of the savings. (Usually they are looking for sales on ice cream and goodies that they know I won’t buy unless there is a good deal.)
• One time I missed a due date for a credit card bill by one day. I have had that credit card for over 20 years and have always paid on time. I called the company and asked about the possibility of waiving the late fee and the interest charges (I was paying the bill in full). The customer service representative commented that I had been an excellent customer and pleasantly said she would be happy to accommodate my request. When I hung up, one of my sons asked me about the phone call since he could hear my side of the conversation and he was intrigued that I was asking the credit card company to waive a fee I had incurred, even though it was my fault. I explained that it never hurts to reach out and ask to have charges dropped or changed, especially if you have maintained a good relationship with the company.
• I once overheard my daughter say to a friend, “I’m pretty sure my mom never pays full price for anything. She’s always watching for sales and deals on the items she needs.”
• Just recently, I have been reading the book, The Latte Factor, for a book club at work. A few days ago, my son made a reference to a friend’s “latte factor” and mentioned that the friend could save a lot of money by changing one small habit (a principle taught in the book). I was surprised at his comment and asked him about it. He sheepishly admitted that he saw me set my book on the couch and out of curiosity picked it up and started reading it.

 
As I reflected on these memories and many more, I realized something:  I should never underestimate the power of example, even when it comes to finances. Maybe one of the best ways to teach our kids about money is to let them see us learn and apply best personal finance practices in our daily lives. Kids don’t always want a lecture or a lesson, and sometimes it’s hard to find the ideal time to teach serious topics. However, if we focus on practicing good financial habits while our children are close by and watching us, we can lay a foundation upon which we can continue to build as our children grow older.
 
Parting thought: The best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.